For Immediate Release · August 21, 2026

Mayor Joseph Responds To Contempt Referral

“I Have Reviewed The Document And I Do Not Recognize Most Of These Words”

Imaginationville — Mayor Michael Joseph, Esq. today issued the following statement regarding the vote of the House Select Subcommittee on Municipal Irregularities to refer him to the full chamber for contempt:

“I have cooperated with this subcommittee from the beginning. I accepted their invitation. I appeared on the scheduled day. I raised my right hand, which I did not have to do, and I sat in their chair for two hours and answered in my own way.

“They asked about a ledger. I told them about my boat. They asked again about the ledger. I told them more about my boat, because the boat is where I would have kept the ledger, if there were a ledger, which there is not, and if I had a ledger, it would be on the boat, which is a fact I offered them freely and which they did not seem to want.

“This referral is not about documents. It is about a small group of people in a distant city who have never been to Imaginationville, never walked our Main Street, and never read a single one of our forty-seven remaining pages of municipal code. I will continue to serve. I will continue to practice. And I will continue to not testify at the earliest available opportunity.”

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For Immediate Release · July 9, 2026

City Confirms Ledger B Was Eaten

Office Of The Mayor Calls Matter “Closed, Digestively”

Imaginationville — The City of Imaginationville today confirmed that the disbursement records requested by federal investigators, referred to internally as “Ledger B,” are no longer in the City's possession, following an incident at the municipal waterfront involving Chomps, the city's beloved alligator.

“The ledger was being transported to storage, as ledgers are,” said Mayor Joseph. “Chomps was present, as Chomps is. What happened next is between them.”

The Mayor emphasized that the City is not conceding that Chomps is a municipal employee, a municipal asset, or a municipal responsibility, and noted that Chomps has not been served, has not been deposed, and has retained no counsel “as far as we are aware.”

Asked whether a backup copy of Ledger B exists, the Mayor said the question was hypothetical. Asked whether Ledger A exists, the Mayor said the question was “aggressive.”

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For Immediate Release · May 30, 2026

Imaginationville Announces Third Consecutive Budget Surplus

Surplus Discovered In Same Filing Cabinet As Previous Two

Imaginationville — Mayor Michael Joseph, Esq. announced today that the City of Imaginationville has closed the fiscal year with a $4.2 million surplus, the third consecutive surplus since he took office and the third to be discovered rather than generated.

“Some mayors build a surplus,” said Joseph. “I find them. I would argue finding is harder.”

The City Comptroller, reached for comment, said she had not been informed of the surplus, had not been informed of the filing cabinet, and had been reassigned to the parade committee effective Monday.

Under the Mayor's proposal, the surplus will fund the Michael Joseph Citizens' Brick Act Phase II, replacing 4,000 commemorative bricks installed last year with 4,000 improved commemorative bricks. The Mayor's office notes that the contract will be awarded through a competitive process open to any qualified vendor represented by the Law Offices of Michael Joseph, Esq.

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For Immediate Release · March 14, 2026

Ribbon Cut On Michael Joseph Memorial Bridge

Four-Lane Span Connects Downtown To One (1) Home

Imaginationville — After eleven months of construction and $31 million in unbudgeted overruns, the Michael Joseph Memorial Bridge opened to traffic Saturday in a ceremony attended by the Mayor, the Mayor's family, and 400 city employees whose attendance was recorded.

The bridge, the city's first major infrastructure project in three decades, spans 1,900 feet of open water and terminates at a private peninsula containing a single residence. City engineers have described the traffic projections as “optimistic” and the traffic as “him.”

“People ask why we named it a memorial bridge when I am standing right here,” the Mayor said at the ribbon cutting. “I say: why wait?”

The Mayor's office notes that the bridge was funded by a voter-approved bond measure, that the ballot language was drafted by the Law Offices of Michael Joseph, Esq., and that the measure passed with 104% support.

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For Immediate Release · January 8, 2026

Michael Joseph, Esq. Named Attorney Of The Year For Eighth Consecutive Year

Selection Committee Praises “Unmatched Record,” Declines To Identify Itself

Imaginationville — The Michael Joseph Foundation for Legal Excellence has named Michael Joseph, Esq. its Attorney of the Year for the eighth consecutive year, citing his courtroom record, his civic leadership, and what the citation calls “a career that speaks for itself, loudly, without being asked.”

The Foundation, established in 2019, conducts a confidential nomination process, maintains a confidential selection committee, and publishes a confidential list of finalists. Its founder, director, treasurer, and sole judge declined to comment, citing a conflict.

The award was presented at a ceremony at Squiggle Plaza. The recipient gave a nine-minute acceptance speech and then, in his capacity as presenter, a four-minute introduction.

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For Immediate Release · November 2, 2025

Office Of The Mayor Clarifies Remarks Made Under Oath

Statement Was “Near Oath,” Says Counsel, Who Is Also The Mayor

Imaginationville — The Office of the Mayor issued a clarification today regarding testimony delivered before the House Select Subcommittee on Municipal Irregularities in October.

“The Mayor stated that he had never seen Ledger B,” the clarification reads. “The Mayor wishes to clarify that he has seen Ledger B. He wishes to further clarify that seeing is not the same as reviewing, that reviewing is not the same as maintaining, and that at no point did he maintain Ledger B, except in 2021, 2022, 2023, and part of 2024.”

The clarification adds that the Mayor's earlier answer should be understood “in the spirit in which it was given, which was quickly.”

The subcommittee has scheduled a follow-up hearing. The Mayor has scheduled a boat.

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